I'm Going to Share My Misery

I'm going to share my misery with you and yes you have my permission to laugh at

me. Its happening. Everyone else is falling in love with the person of their dreams

(or a vague resemblance) and here I am alone yet again. I know patience is a virtue,

but I dont think I ever claimed to be virtuous. Thats it I think I have resigned

myself to the fact that I will grow old and just be a spinster for the rest of my life.

The only thing missing is the cats. And if I wasnt allergic I am sure I would have 17

of them. Maybe I will just to make myself a little more miserable. Yeah thats it I will

be a sneezing old spinster and her 17 cats. I will have no life except for those cats

whose names I will know and be able to tell them all apart by their meows. I will

always be a bridesmaid and never a bride. Not that I wanna get married mind you

but something would be nice. A date every now and then with a nice boy who

would maybe compliment me once in a while. Is that too much to ask? I dont think

so but apparently the gods have seen fit to slash all my hopes of a happy future. I

have only one dream left and that is so far fetched it includes an indoor pool and a

certain member of a high profile boy band professing his undying love for me.

Again this hope of undying love is on life support at this particular moment in time

so even this cloud nine is falling at record speed to the depths of hell. la di da

didadidadida   la di da la di da... yes I am so sad that I am watching Music Man and

singing the minuet in G to you over email. Can you tell I am bored and pathetic?

The time is coming that everyone will be graduating and getting engaged. Starting

families and I will just be the old friend from college that no one really knows what

happened to. That would be because I have disappeared into the wilderness of

montana and feed the moose for companionship. The moose are nice creatures if

you dont piss them off. Im already in one wedding and now theresa is talking

about going out to arizona to visit this man that she has been talking to and was

set up with through her high school chemistry teacher. God how sad I will be that

teacher. I will be setting up my students with former students and not have a man

myself. I never really wanted a wonderful picture perfect life. I just wanted a nice

boy who would take me out for a good time every so often and be the cool aunt

that all my friends' children come to visit and get away from their parents. Is that

too much to ask? and of course I would like to have sex again before I die. That

would be nice too. although for as much as I have been thinking lately I am

starting to worry that I have regained my morals and dont really wanna have sex

with someone with whom I am not in love. I know that sounds rather silly from me

but I think it is true, as with everything I am not entirly sure because lord knows

that I will screw up some how and meet some schmuk and end up doing something

that I know I will regret the next day. as I have done so many times before.

Although ihave to say that I am not as bad as some I know, and yet not as good as

others. I am just that middle person that I have always been. The side kick

character that never exactly gets a story line of her own. God I have written that

line so many times since its birth in junior year. How sad is it that my life is that

exact same as it was in 1995? The main characters have changed many times since

then but my role in life seems to be predetermined. Ick that is a scary thought. That

I am destined to live the life that I have been living since high school. Yes I have

changed but at the same time I have stayed the same. I thought live was a journey

but I am not going anywhere. I need to get away and create a new character for

myslef. is that possible? Can I no longer be melissa the dependable responisble

one? can I be missy the crazy sexy unpredictable? *laughing to myself* yeah right.

No matter how hard I try my sense of self virtue and responsibililty would invade

my body and mind no matter. Gary indianna! anyway. This is just some of the

rambling of my mind that I needed to share. Hope I dindt scare you although as

you have said in the past, it takes a lot to scare you. I hope you hold true to your

word. Alright I will go now... I could go on writing for a while but I think you get

nervous when I write more than usual. I promise this doesnt really have all that

much to do with you. You are a good friend. and I know that you too will soon

become the most happiest of people b/c my life tends just to work that way. Call

Kara... get together wtih Stacey ... life will work out for you have no fear... and with

the way my life is going it should be any day now. LOL Just remember as long as

you are my friend you life will be perfect and mine will continue to suck ... ok

signing off now.

The world's youngest spinster minus the cats